What's the hardest part about getting older?
At age 55, I find the hardest part about getting older is the mismatch
between the internal and the external.
Internally, I haven’t changed all that much from the optimistic,
energetic and goofy young woman I was in my 20’s. I am lots wiser than when in
my youth due to learning from life experiences; however, at the core, my
personality has remained fairly consistent.
I have many ideas for creative projects I would like to initiate, forms
of physical exercise I enjoy and want to continue, places I want to see, loved
ones I want to communicate with, etc.
I have not lost my adoration of cute shoes, especially strappy retro
styles. I would wear them every day if I could.
However…
Externally (physically), my body just doesn’t have the energy and stamina
of even 5 years ago.
Menopause has been a particularly difficult portion of the aging process
for me. Sometimes I feel like a young adolescent who is enthralled yet
horrified at the bodily changes brought about by fluctuating hormones. Where in
the hell did this body come from? Some days my inner self just doesn’t seem to
fit inside the skin quite as nicely. I find this disconcerting.
Menopause has also meant that my metabolism has slowed. I wasn’t a heavy
eater before, and it seems that even my lighter diet contains more calories
than my body requires. My increasing waist line is evidence of this state of
affairs. At this point I have to decide whether I want to give up my passion
for baking, my love of a nice glass of wine between work and dinner prep, or
just learn to be happy at a higher weight.
I have developed lax ligaments in the toes of my left foot. This means a
special insole in my shoes, which means no more wearing strappy retro styles
that I adore so much. Which means that I have to tweak my style of dress to
accommodate the kinds of shoes that I can wear. (I am hopeful that my
podiatrist can help ameliorate this issue so I can return to my former fashion
choices.)
This also means that my beloved Zumba sessions are halted, and maybe even
banned forever, as well as the dance videos I incorporated as regular exercise.
Dang. And I was just beginning to learn tap dance.
I want to age gracefully. However, I find myself raging a bit on the
inside at the sense of injustice that growing older means giving up things that
have brought joy to my life.
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